dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
