Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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