So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
