Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
