Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
