don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
as a side note pls kill me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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