she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
