i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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