Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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