After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
