her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
