How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
