Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
