did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize