it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I party with great urgency now.
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