Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
