I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
