Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
