I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i came on her dog
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
