How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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