I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
