I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
