So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
