were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
