ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
