if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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