i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize