apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
