I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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