he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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