How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
