I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
