if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
