Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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