i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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