I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize