I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
