What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
