okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
