In the future we'll all be gay
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
