You just made me feel so damn special
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
