I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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