I bet he comes in French.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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