I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
