I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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