I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
