What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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