I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
