I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
