My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
