In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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