Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
