i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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