I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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