I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
