i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
