I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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