I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
