I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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