That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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