just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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