I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
