am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
