I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
