a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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