I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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